Why You Shouldn’t Settle For Less When It Comes to Love
Sometimes when things aren’t going exactly as we planned, we tend to “settle” for less than what we actually want. In fact, settling often seems much more preferable to the alternative—being alone. Some people settle so they will have company, or for financial reasons, or reasons of personal or familial security, but regardless of the reason, settling can often hurt more than it helps. Here are some reasons why you should never settle for less than what you want:
- It isn’t fair to you. When you settle for less than what you want, you are in essence selling yourself short. Don’t value yourself at less than your worth.
- It’s not fair to the other person. Think about how you would feel if you knew your significant other was settling for you. Nobody wants to feel like the back up plan!
- You will be unavailable when the right person comes along. You may think you’re just in this subpar relationship until the “right” person finds you; but what happens when you meet that person and you’re already involved in a relationship? Starting a relationship with Mr. Right when you are directly coming out of a previous one can be messy—you may never have the kind of trust you want if you run from relationship to relationship.
- Eventually it becomes annoying. Why did you settle? If the person you settled for annoys you, makes you uncomfortable, or is unattractive to you, sooner than later you will begin to resent that person for their differences
- Never settle for less when it comes to these most important traits: honesty, respect, monogamy, trust, and loyalty. These are the 5 ingredients which form the basis for any good relationship.
- Count these traits on your list of “important” if not necessary: communication, having fun together, similar education background, similar family situation, similar goals, and common interests. Without at least some of these traits in common, you may find it difficult to spend time with your partner, which could lead to a dead relationship even if he does possess all the traits you deemed necessary.
Take an honest look at yourself and your expectations. There are such things as TOO HIGH expectations, and if yours are too high you could end up alone with nothing but your high standards to keep you company! That’s not to say you should settle for less—but you should certainly think of compromising.
- Are you looking for a tall, rich, handsome man with a great job, perfect family, polite friends, and a Ferrari? Maybe your expectations are a bit over the top. It’s time to evaluate your priorities, so get out that pen and paper and make a good old fashioned list. In one column list all the things you must have in a partner. In the other column, list all the things you find desirable but are not mandatory, such as dark hair or a nice car.
- When he’s ALMOST what you want. What if your soul mate is exactly as you dreamed- kind, funny, handsome, with a great job, and a killer sense of fashion, but he lacks one or two traits you’ve deemed necessary? What if these traits are something minute that you could tolerate? The chance that you will find exactly who you dreamed up is a very slim chance, but finding someone who embodies the majority of these traits isn’t anything to pass of lightly!
- When you’re holding on to antiquated ideals, such as the woman must be younger, or the man must be taller. There are no rules in dating, so let go of any crazy ideals that were bred into you 30 years ago!
Settling vs Compromising
It may sound harsh, but even if he’s not the love of your life, it might be possible he could be someone you can love quite well. He may not make fireworks go off in your stomach every time you touch, but maybe he respects you intellectually, thinks about you often, and treats you how you deserve.
There has to be a line between compromising and settling, and the best way to draw this line is by evaluating your priorities, defining your goal, and going after your dreams. So what are the most important qualities to a good relationship? Studies show that being best friends, sharing a belief that marriage is forever, and knowing that there will be both good times and bad are some of the defining characteristics of long term relationships.
Sources
Relationships for Dummies. Dr. Kate M Wachs. Wiley Publishing Inc, Hoboken, NJ, 2002.
Kelly Denine - Kelly Denine works as manager at a Jaguar, Land Rover, Volvo dealership in Newfoundland. She is also the President of the local auto ...
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